6 Tips: How to Persevere in Changing Your Life
I got goosebumps when I saw Google’s Year in Search Ad for 2022, with the question “Can I change?” kicking off the year-in-search review. I’ve rewatched it twice now and it still manages to make the hairs on my neck stand up. There is something magical about a world of people seeking positive change, expanding beyond their known limits, facing the scary unknowingness of a new direction and venturing on anyway.
My daily “YOU are a BADASS” 2023 calendar reminded me yesterday, “Success = fear + your dreams + doing it anyway.” It takes guts to take on the fear of change, a must for anyone traveling on the uncharted path. It’s the type of courage I never thought I had. But this was my story of the last four years–plodding my way through a life overhaul, despite the headwinds of fear and anxiety working against me all along the way.
After I woke up to my purpose in 2018, I had a constant angsty feeling inside, like an invisible rope wrapped around my body, pulling me forward into the unknown. I was filled with fear, but staying put in life as it was was not an option. So, how did I cope with the fear and what motivated me onward?
The answer to that question is a book’s worth of insight but I have summarized six of the major takeaways here. For anyone wanting to pursue change and wrestling themselves in the delicate balance of following a calling, seeking motivation and overcoming fear, these tips are for you. (And according to Google, there are lots of us out there…)
How to expand your life beyond your known limits:
Tap into your wonderlust.
Unlike wanderlust, this is about opening yourself up with curiosity and kindling an insatiable thirst to explore your inner and outer world.
Threads of us are everywhere–new understandings, revelations about who we are, signs that want to lead us to something new–but we won’t see them if we aren’t looking.
2. Find your people.
Identify the people that will give you the perspective and support to help you push past where you are today–friends, therapists, healers, authors, philosophers. Your tribe may change as you change, naturally, but having an inner circle of confidants and guides as a constant will help you to not feel so alone in the journey.
3. Borrow belief and curate confidence.
Fear, self-doubt, imposter syndrome–these are all regular saboteurs of growth and change. It’s hard to “just believe” in yourself if you’ve never known what it feels like to believe in yourself. Instead, borrow on the belief others have in you. Use other peoples’ words of encouragement and wisdom to guide you as you build up that belief and the muscle memory to exercise it.
I have a live Google doc labeled “Curated Confidence” where I pasted any inspirational quotes or content I came across through my journey. It’s been an invaluable resource.
4. Conjure the courage to dig deep and do the work.
I had to put in the effort to unravel the context for who I was and explore all facets of what shaped me to heal the wounds that persisted in limiting me. Healing begins at the core of where we began so I had to look at the past in order to make the right progress moving forward–and it sucked. It was and still is a brutally painful exercise to look at trauma (and we all have it.) It requires a great deal of vulnerability and honesty.
Change is hard and uncomfortable, but with everyday courage to honor our full selves, difficult past and all, we can create life-defining transformational change.
5. Take responsibility for being the kind of person you want to be, even if it goes against the grain of the world around you.
This was the hardest lesson to learn on the road to change. Only I am responsible for my growth and happiness. Despite how I’ve “been hurt” or the challenges I’ve “been dealt,” it’s up to me to decide how to live my future life despite my life’s experiences to date.
Show up for yourself. Be your own advocate. Ask for change in your relationships to make room for the expanding change in yourself. But just know, you can’t control how people will respond to the request or your change. You can only control what you do for yourself. Only you are responsible for who you become.
6. Share your story.
When I hit the climactic point of my transformation, a full emotional breakdown, my story started pouring out of me. I couldn’t help it. It was late 2020 and we were all on zoom calls in plain sight of the world. A polite “How are you?” triggered a regular undoing. I couldn’t respond with “I’m good.” I wasn’t good and I couldn’t hide it. So I would give the honest answer. I’d share the story of what I was going through and chuckle a little at the embarrassment of crying it out in such a way.
Rather than ridicule and mock me as my ego-mind imagined, people who heard my story became sympathetic allies, partners in humanity and supporters for me to keep moving myself forward.
We are all people trudging through the chaos of life. When we share our stories, we connect with one another and strengthen ourselves through that connection. It’s a beautiful thing.
Sharing my story also helped me step out of the negative self-talk view of myself–the minutia of day-to-day self-criticism. My story helped me see what I was working through and overcoming with empathy and heart, as if I was rooting for a heroine in someone else’s story. My story helped me to keep going. It still does today. It’s why I’m writing this piece and sharing it with the world. I couldn’t be where I am on this never ending journey of personal expansion without honoring and using my story to empower me in this way.
Don’t think for a minute that because I’m dishing out this advice, I’ve got it all down, easy peasy. I have to remind myself of every one of these tips regularly. The ongoing change and expansion I will continue to push for in this lifetime wouldn’t be worth the effort if it was easy.
